Now that’s not what she wanted me to do, but I did it. I completely expelled him from my life, as though he were obnoxious. But now here came the horror of horrors…I couldn’t get out of that. I am completely Beth; I can’t get out of her. And for six hours I struggled and wrestled with myself to the point where my wife said to me ‘Who are you?’ I was panicked. I was scared to death that I would find myself in the nuthouse thinking I’m a girl. No one would know what I did to produce this. And yet, I couldn’t get out of Beth…I am Beth…I am this young woman. Finally, how I do not know, but finally after six hours of labor and struggle, somehow I got out. How I don’t know. I was so exhausted I fell into a sleep and slept for twelve hours, twelve unbroken hours. But, at the very end it was worth it, for the most heavenly voice of love spoke to me and it said, ‘I have restored my soul. I am now gathering my own in love, in beauty and in joy.’ And that was it.”274 ¶19